Scared?
by thrills
Summary: Slash. SBHP fluffy. Sirius knows something is going on.
1. Chapter 1

This story contains slash, male/male that is. If that offends, or causes you anysort off embarresment please read no further.

I own nothing.

I imagened Harry to be about 19 - 20 in this story, so he is fully off the age off consent. (that how you say it?)

Oh, and please forgive me for spelling and grammar.

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Sirius simply couldn't understand it.

Things should be perfect. Should be as in weren't.

The world should be a fairytale right now.

The war had been won at long last, and Voldemort defeated. It was a beautiful spring, and just a couple of months ago he and Harry had bought a beautiful house. They had moved in both giddy with joy of finally getting the time together they had been robbed of.

No matter how many times Sirius turned it over in his head everything should be great. But it wasn't.

It had started as a feeling in the pit of his stomach, but as time went on it became harder and harder to ignore. He had tried desperately not to think about it because it made his stomach turn in unpleasant ways. But now it was time. Now it had come to a point where it had to be dealt with.

Harry was afraid of him.

He had tried to deny it, because what reason did Harry have to be scared. He couldn't think that Sirius wasn't innocent, that had been proved. He couldn't know of the thoughts that had been fluttering in Sirius head recently. Sirius didn't even let himselfacnowlegde those. Maybe he thought that Sirius would let him down, like he had everyone else.

He had tried to tell himself that it was absurd, that Harry , his Harry, would never think those things.

But it didn't change the fact that Harry was spending more and more of his time in his room. Although he still laughed at Sirius's silly jokes and stunts Sirius sometimes got the feeling that it was almost out of obligation. Lately, every time that Sirius brushed against him in the hallway or laid his arm on his shoulders he jumped as if burned.

But what had convinced Sirius the most had happened a few nights ago.

He had woken up to screams coming from across the hall. It was the first nightmare since just after they moved in. Sirius had sincerely hoped that they were over.

He had rushed to his bed and realized that the terrified screams had turned to desperate mumblings and sobs. It wasn't until Sirius had reached out his hand and was just about to shake him awake that he heard just what Harry was mumbling and his breath hitched in his throat. He distinctly made out "no no no Sirius no NO".

The last no had been screamed in a desperate plea and it finally shook Sirius out of his stupor. He gently took a firm hold of Harry's shoulders and shook him awake. Confused emerald eyes greeted him, but it was the only sign of Harry being awake because the sobs continued.

Despite his uneasiness Sirius held Harry and rocked him slowly until his breathing calmed and he sat back out of his embrace.

This time thought the green eyes weren't filled with confusion. This time they were full off horror.

Sirius knew it was cowardly, he knew that he should have stayed and made sure he was all right, knew that he should find out what was going on. But at that moment he didn't want to know.

So he said overly cheerfully "Good night" and dashed into his own room.

This was why this couldn't be avoided longer. Now he would talk to Harry and tell him that if he wanted to live somewhere else it was alright. No matter how much it would brake his heart Harry's happiness was more important. And right now Harry wasn't happy.

With this internal pep talk in mind he raised his hand for the fifth time to open Harry's door and this time his hand actually connected with the doorknob. He was greeted with a very low spoken "hey Siri". Very unlike Harry. Another reason to be worried.

"Harry we need to talk" he started taking a deep calming breath.

Harry was looking at him with an unreadable look on his face.

"Harry are you afraid of me."

At that Harry smiled, though if Sirius had looked closely he would have seen that it was a smile tinged with sadness.

Sirius hadn't looked closely though. He was to busy turning angry, witch surprised himself. He hadn't been angry up to this point but he had agonized over this too much, worried for to long to have Harry treat this as a joke.

"Then what the bloody hell is going on" It came out louder and harsher then he had meant to and it startled him, let alone poor Harry who looked as if he had been slapped.

But now that he had started it was hard to turn it off.

"Why are you acting like a bloody zombie, up here in your room all days, you hardly look at me, let alone talk to me. Are you angry at me, scared of me or am I just bloody annoying you? Is that it? Are you getting tired off living with me? Is that it?"

He was aware that his voice was slipping from angry to pleading and though he found it a turn for the worse he didn't seem to be capable of stopping, his voice turning to a begging whisper:

"Harry I know that I am not easy to live with. Is that it? Please.." Here he forced himself to stop.

He would not beg him to stay. He had promised himself that. It wasn't fair to Harry.

So he just stopped, ashamed of himself and stared at his shoes.

"I'm not afraid of you." It was whispered so gently that Sirius wasn't entirely sure he wasn't just imagining things.

When he looked up he was surprised to see that the guilty looking eyes that were staring back at him were surrounded by a very much so blushing Harry.

"I like you. I…I love you. I'm sorry." Now it was Harry's turn to stare at his shoes.

Sirius simply stared.

After a few moments in shocked silence Sirius burst out laughing. He regretted it immediately, as Harry took this as a cue to try and dash out the door.

He grabbed Harry by the arm to stop him from leaving, and willed himself from smiling which was made easier by the sight of Harry's eyes full of tears.

He hadn't meant to laugh, it was just an outlet for the immense relief that he felt. It was either laugh or cry, and apparently he had laughed.

He was so deep in thought that the first blow came as quite a surprise. I t even took him a couple of seconds to realize that Harry was hitting him, and trying to wring his arm free.

Deciding that that wouldn't work Sirius did the only thing that he could think of to keep Harry from getting away. He tightened his grab of his arm, and pushed him down on the bed at the same time.

That resulted in him being sprawled out on top of Harry, their faces so close he could feel the breathless gasps on his face.

"Let me go." Came a choked sob, but Sirius didn't. Now, he had often been accused of being rash and what he did next would definitely do nothing to diminish that reputation.

He leaned down the short distance and softly brushed his lips against Harry's. Hepushed back up, trying to see Harry's response.

He really looked beautiful, with an expression somewhere right between embarrassed, flustered and happy. Happy seemed to be winning over. And bravery.

He slowly reached a hand up and tangled it in the black locks above him.

"More kissing" came a throaty plea, and Sirius hardly had time to start laughing, with a badly concealed tone of relief, before Harry decided to turn his question to reality and crushed their lips together.

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AN: I don´t think I´ll have this as a oneshot, maybe write something from Harry´s point of view. Someday.. :) 


	2. Harry's pov

This story contains slash. Dont like, dont read.

I own nothing.

I imagined Harry to be about 19-20 in this story.

Please forgive my spelling and grammar mistakes.

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Why, why did this have to happen?

Everything had started out so great. Even better than he had ever dreamed it could be.

To good, looking back on it. Leave it to the great Harry Potter to mess things up as usual.

He just wished he could turn his horrible, perverted brain off. And it wasn't as if he hadn't been trying.

Harry didn't really know just what Sirius's reaction would be if he ever knew the thoughts flying around in his head, but he did know he didn't want to find out. When "the thoughts" first started Harry had blamed it on the close proximity. They had simply been spending too much time together.

Then when time didn't fade them away, like he had hoped, he reasoned that he was simply confusing affection with attraction. He was inexperienced in having somebody around that cared for him, and that he cared for.

And then the feelings changed, grew, and it dawned on Harry that he was kidding himself.

He was in love, and there was no denying it.

That realisation had hit him one night when he woke up sweaty, out of breath and _oh so_ hard. The dream, in witch Sirius had been screwing him in to the mattress growling his name, was vivid in his mind.

He had reached down and pulled almost brutally at himself until he came muffling his cries of his godfathers name with his pillow. Then he had changed boxers and muttered a cleaning spell over his bed with tears of shame stinging at his eyes.

From then the feeling that he was betraying Sirius had only grown.

At night he would wank off imagining his eyes, his hair, his hands, his laugh…oh god his laugh. The day after he wouldn't even be able to look him directly in the eye, but it didn't stop him from doing the same the very next night.

He flinched every time they brushed up against each other, because it instantaneously sent his imagination into overdrive, and more embarrassingly often gave him an instant erection. So he had taken to spending more and more time in his room.

And then he had the nightmare.

Not the usual one he had been having until he moved in with Sirius where Voldemort returned and killed the ones he loved.

A brand new one, where he told Sirius how he felt and he looked at him with disgust and told him they couldn't live together anymore.

He had been shaken out of his nightmare to find himself looking into worried grey eyes. It had felt so good to feel Sirius's arms snake around him, holding him safe, so he had allowed him to gently rock away the nightmare while he whispered soft words in his ear.

So good. Too good as it turned out because just as his sobs died away he felt his cock start to twitch in appreciation off the compromising position he was in.

So he pulled away, horrified, to see if Sirius had noticed and there it was. The shock in Sirius's face, although just for a moment until it was replaced by fake cheerfulness.

Now Harry sat here, and he knew it was coming. The unavoidable conversation.

Sirius stood in front of him, wanting to talk, with a horribly serious look upon his face, very un Sirius like at all.

He felt his heart rate pick up, felt his hands begin to sweat but willed his face to remain calm. Could at least go down with dignity.

"Harry are you afraid of me?"

For a second he was sure he had misheard, but the expression on Sirius's face convinced him other vice. When he realised that Sirius wasn't about to throw him out, or express his disgust and disappointment, that he hadn't even realised what was going on he couldn't help a small smile.

It wasn't until Sirius began to shout that he realised what he had been doing.

By acting so distant he had filled Sirius's head with the idea that he didn't want to live with him, and now the only way to set this right was to tell the truth.

He whispered despite all his effort to talk normally "I'm not afraid of you."

He could feel his face turning red, and was mad at himself for it. Right now he definitely didn't need Sirius to look at him like a awkward teenager.

And then he said it. Saviour of the wisarding world or not, this sentence took more bravery to say then anything he had done up to this in his life.

His heart was pounding against his ribcage and for the life of him he couldn't look up from his shoes.

For a few seconds everything went oddly quiet and the Sirius started to laugh. Now, Harry had imagined a lot of bad responses but he had never thought Sirius cold enough to laugh at him, so he did the only thing that came into his head.

He ran.

He didn't get very far though, because Sirius quickly grabbed him by the arm witch caused him, to Harry's mortification, to see that Harry was crying.

Harry wasn't going to give up so easily, he wasn't going to stand here and be mocked by the person he loved most in this world. When trying to wring himself free didn't work he tried hitting Sirius, hoping he would let go out of shock.

His plan backfired though, because Sirius simply pushed him down on the bed, overpowering him easily, holding him still with his weight.

He stopped struggling, the heat emitting from the body on top of him making him dizzy.

"Let me go." He pleaded, trying to get his breathing under control, praying that he would be able to control himself.

He was afraid that he was just about to start crying again when he felt the soft brush of lips against his own.

It took a few minutes to sink in, and when he saw that Sirius was waiting for a response he mustered up all the confidence that he had left. "More kissing." He felt himself begin to blush again at his own words so he hurriedly crushed his lips against Sirius's before he would see.

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I´m not sure if I like this chapter...but here it is. 


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